One of These Things is not Like the Others

In case you were wondering, I'm the spoon in this scenario.

Have you ever started a story, thinking everyone will nod and smile along with your preamble and let you get to the meat of the story. . . only to be met with blank looks, then hysterical laughter, and then, "At what age did you start doing THAT?!"

At happy hour tonight (that's right, it may be Tuesday, but happiness still abounds) with a group of work gals ironing somehow became the topic of choice. I casually begin my story with, "Well, I never put clothes away in my closet until they are ironed..."

I thought this was fairly normal.

How wrong I was.

Does anyone who is not in my direct family do this?! It just makes so much sense to me (and my mom). In answer to the age question I had to bashfully admit I'd always done this which was met with yet more cackling and tearing up by the girls. I would like to clarify that I was only referring to the few items that truly HAVE to be ironed - it's not like I'm ironing t-shirts over here!

It is once again clear. I am not like the others, unless by 'others' you mean my mom.

Watch Your Dirty Mouth!

Several months ago, my co-worker Candy exclaimed, "What the French Toast?!" I looked at her quizzically and she pointed me to this Orbit gum commercial (it is well worth 30 seconds of your life). This got me thinking about what non-profane substitutes I have used in the past. I've also started a collection from friends.

When seeking cursing alternatives, think retro:
Curses, Batman!
Suffering Succotash!
Tarnation!
Egads!
Criminy!
Gee Whiz!
Bloody hell!

Don't forget Shakespeare:
I bite my thumb at you, sir! (The sir is optional:)
Taffeta Punk!
Toads, beetles, bats!
A pox upon thee! (Just so you know, you are wishing death by small pox or syphilis upon the receiver of this little gem! Ouch!)

Create your own/the inside joke option:
When creating your own curses, make sure they have the right sound when exclaimed and that they are fun to say. Many times the whole reason to curse is to let off steam. Lots of hard consonants can be particularly satisfying.
Goram! (Firefly TV series)
Shostakovich (Mindy's college days, I hung out with a lot of music majors. Just try it!)
Hovering Sausages! (Mindy's work, I never said they had to make sense people!)

Some other favorites:
Mother Scooter!
Shut the Front Door!
Frickin' Frack!
Son of a Biscuit Eater!
H-E-double hockey sticks!

Orbit and Mindy... working together to make dirty mouths clean. If you are feeling a bit blue or lethargic, I recommend reading through this list with feeling. Wakes ya right up, every time. Happy non-cussing and please share more favorites!

Over-Inflated Optimism?

Let me set the stage. Today there was a very loud drilling noise in my office building to the point that the walls were shaking a bit.

Co-worker: What is that noise?
Me: I dunno.
Co-worker: Do you think we're okay?
Me: Oh we're fine. I'm not worried.
Co-worker: What would it feel like if the building were about to collapse?
Me: (From my vast expertise on the subject) I'm sure things would be falling over.
Co-worker: Do you think we would die if the building collapsed, I mean we're on the 11th floor. . .
Me: The 11th floor means we'd be close to the top of the rubble. They'd totally find us first.

Gotta love the silver lining!

Health-Conscious Drinking

As previously mentioned, I am a self-professed health nut; I even prefer my hard alcohol with healthy accouterments. I try not to be overly high maintenance when I'm out by asking questions like, "Do you mix your drinks with juice that has additional sweetners?" But never doubt, that I'm thinking it! In the comfort of my own home, I've been known to juice grapefruits to go with the vodka and breakfast tacos, not on work mornings though.

I love Gin and Tonic, but usually finish my drink a little sad that the tonic has to be so over -poweringly sweet. You cannot imagine my joy when I first learned of Q Tonic through Goliblogski, dear college friend and San Francisco culture chronicler. Q Tonic is made with agave nectar instead of high fructose corn syrup (yay!) and does not have any artificial flavors (yay!). Dreams of a drink with just me, gin, agave, quinine, and bubbles. The quest began to find Q Tonic. It is available in Austin and I finally purchased some last weekend. Ooo-la-la. Delightful and delectable if I may say so myself.

Sitting around with friends enjoying my first Q drink ever, Sara (neighbor and Blog Muse) read the Q label and one sentence stuck out, "We [Q-makers] began with handpicked Peruvian quinine, just like when tonic water was invented back in 1825." I mean sure it is interesting that tonic water has been around since 1825. Some interesting history surrounds tonic water and I love that the Brits took what was essentially medicine and transformed it into cocktail hour, but come on, the real question here is obvious, right? What is Quinine? Obviously it is hand-pick-able and prevents malaria, but I didn't even know it was a plant. New quest: find out about this Quinine character.

Here is what I learned:

• Quinine comes from the bark of the Cinchona Tree.
• First discovered as an analgesic and fever-reducer by the Quechua indians of Peru.
• Quinine is flourescent under UV lights - break out the black light kids and lets drink gin and tonic!
• Many tonic waters actually use synthetic tonic, but not my new buddy Q.

I don't know how James Bond's buddy Q feels about this elixir, but I love it!

RPCV + Personal Chef

My college friend Julie just returned from Romania where she recently finished Peace Corps (thus she is the RPCV - Returned Peace Corps Volunteer). She has lived primarily overseas for the past 8 years, so she is having to adjust and acclimate to life back in the States. She spent most of this week at my house and cooked for me quite a bit of the time. Luscious! I have now learned I am not at all averse to having a personal chef and that I think Tex-Romanian food has a bright future in the fusion cuisine scene.

Julie made a traditional peasant dish called mamaliga. It is polenta served with sour cream and cheese. However, Julie makes it as a lasagna like dish, layering the polenta, cheese, and sour cream and then baking it all together. Since we are in San Antonio Julie used Pepper Jack cheese and diced avocado into the layers. Oh my goodness. A little spicey, a lot gooey, and so very tasty.

My favorite quote for the week with Julie was when she stated in all seriousness, "I had no idea the state of jam in the States." She was apalled at how sweet store-bought jams are here; culture shock takes many shapes. I didn't mind her dismay as it meant she made fresh plum jam for me. We bought 4 lbs. of the most delicious black plums I have had in years (Central Market - from California)! The whole time Julie was making the jam I kept quoting the movie Crossing Delancey, "Ripe plums are falling. . ." (Don't worry if you don't get this reference; it is fairly obscure. I mainly include it because it made me very happy and I think it will make my sister laugh too.:) I am so very excited about my stash of jam. Julie worked to find the coolest, dark closet in my casita for storing said stash. After testing all the closets, the jam now lives with my linens!

This morning I had a great start to my day with the following equation:
greek yogurt+homemade plum jam+ tiny candied ginger pieces+crumbled kashi granola bar= AMAZING! (That's right, I used all CAPS, that is how good this was!) Officially this could be considered a parfait, and, therefore, a dessert. Whatever. My dad believes cherry pie makes a suitable breakfast, so who am I to stand in the way of family tradition?

Here are a few of the other culinary treats of my week, thanks Julie! Clatita which is Romania's take on crepes. Julie used jam in some and nutella in others. Ciorba which is the name used for a variety of sour soups. The one Julie made included chicken broth, saurkraut, carrot, potato, onion, garlic, served with sour cream. I wasn't sure about a soup with vinegar, but it was delicious! Roasted/ Charred Eggplant mashed up with onion and garlic. We enjoyed this on black bread and also as a spread with our hamburgers. It was a delicious week!

Thank you, Rhonda!

Rhonda Kuhlman, a local artist, died this week. I have a couple of her pieces and loved talking to her whenever I stopped in her art space. She made Day-of-the-Dead, bottle-cap cuff links for my brother-in-law to wear at his wedding --so she obviously had to be cool! Her obituary is inspiring just as she was. Her story is one of triumph and every time I saw her she radiated joy. I thought she was in her 20's until one day we were sitting around and she mentioned she was celebrating her 40th that weekend?!

May your today sparkle whatever you choose to do!

*More pictures of Rhonda and her work, click here.

Shopping and Guano and Bats, Oh My!

San Antonio is known as a tourist destination and not just for humans. Every year an estimated 100-million Mexican free-tail bats visit Central Texas to raise their young. 1.5 million take up residency on Congress St. Bridge in Austin, which is the largest urban bat colony in the world. 20-million of these bats set up camp in Bracken Cave just 20 miles north of San Antone, making it the largest known bat colony in the world!

Now for all you math whizzes out there, 20 million bats + 1.5 million bats still falls well short of the total 100 million bats who visit Texas. The rest of the bats find favorite haunts in other caves, bridges, and apparently the North Star Mall Parking Garage (Macy's end if you must know).

I stopped by the mall after work one day for an event at Lush (just the most amazing bath products ever) so I was in the parking garage at 6ish. I suddenly realized that the swooping all around me was not birds, but bats. I had a wonderful Batman Begins moment of Zen standing amongst all the bats. Some flew close enough that I felt the whoosh of wings.

Slightly less glamorous is the smell of guano in the parking garage. Guano has a very particular smell and the dog days of summer have ripened this smell to quite the strong olfactory experience.

After my mall-meets-super-hero experience, I googled to find more batty info. I learned that the newest section of the San Antonio Riverwalk, the Museum Reach, actually has a bachelor colony of 8,000 bats. Bat Conservation International has a wealth of really groovy bat factoids. Who wouldn't want to know that our bats consume about 1,000 tons of insects nightly?! However, I found zero mention of the size of the fashionista bat colony at the mall.

It's the Little Things

Sharpie makes an ultra fine tip marker that is just dreamy. For the last two years I have had red and purple and only fantasized of having a complete set. Thursday night I learned that dreams do come true. The parentals had a coupon for buy one set, get the second set free of any of the Sharpie markers. . . I am now the proud owner of a dozen assorted colors, Thanks, mom and dad! Sure I could have (and was close to) buy them for myself, but how much more fun to have them magically appear in my life?!

The markers are shown here in my card making station.

All a girl needs: glue stick, scissors, and some super fine markers!

Ant Wars

Arg. Blurg. Tarnation.

Every time I think I am winning the ant wars, the little monsters show up again. I was hoping that with the rain this weekend, they might decide to quench their thirst in the great outdoors instead of my indoors. But no. Tonight, I look up and they are happily marching along where the ceiling meets the wall. Tell me, how does one put ant traps up there?!

Lots of South Texans seems to have ants this summer because of the "extreme & exceptional drought." [By the way, that is the official term for a drought this severe! The purple on the map is a nice accent, but not actually good news.] One friend suggested I try setting water out wherever the ants were entering. Umm. Great idea, except I think my house construction is closely linked to Swiss cheese.

Looking for ant images just made me itchy, hence I opted for the picture of drought conditions. Anyone out there actually winning the ant wars without massive chemical warfare? Lavendar oil neat seems to keep them at bay long enough to give me hope that they are gone for good... and then they re-emerge. Hrrumph.

Press Release Bliss

Extract, Mike Judge's new movie, came out this weekend. [Mike Judge is the great Texan behind the movie Office Space.] The idea for Extract came from Judge driving past the Adams Extract building in Austin. The movie revolves around the owner, Jason Bateman, wanting to sell his extract company, but running into bizarre obstacles. I will totally be seeing this movie if for nothing beyond my devotion to the cast of Arrested Development. However, my resolve to see the movie solidified when I heard the Press Release quote from Adams Extract's Chief of Marketing on my Friday morning commute.

"It is going to be unbelievable how many young people will be introduced to what baking Extracts are for the first time. Hopefully they will go home and learn to bake some cakes and cookies from scratch."

I let a snort and giggle escape when I heard this. Adams Extract is expecting a lot from Mike Judge fans, but I will let you know if after seeing the movie, I am swept away by an inescapable baking mania!

If you want to read more of the serious devotion to the joy of extracts, the complete press release is here. Also, just because I love snippets of Texas History, I've included the history of Adams Extract, straight from the official website:
Adams Extract traces it beginnings back to 1888 when John Anderson Adams sold extracts in the harsh Michigan climate. In 1905 he moved his family to Texas. At the time, most vanilla was sold to pharmacies and was often labeled “Do not bake or freeze.” John A. Adams, a pharmacist whose imagination was stirred by his wife’s yearning for a flavoring that wouldn’t bake or freeze out, announced that he could produce a better vanilla than the one his wife was currently using. Working with just $6.71 worth of materials on top of an old icebox, Adams discovered the formula he wanted.

Best of Texas State Fair 2009

Don't worry, you haven't missed the fair. It's in October. However, there is an annual nationwide contest between state fairs featuring the best "new foods" of the year. Understand that I use the term "food" loosely. Now, the Texas State Fair is the home of the original Corny Dog which premiered in 1942. So we do have a proud history of frying with the best of 'em. The picture is of last year's debut: Fried Coke. Take a dough ball filled with Coke syrup, fry it, top it with powdered sugar and say hello to Diabetes.

Two things before I proceed:
1. Please reference my earlier post In Stairwell #2 where you, dear reader, were enlightened with the fact that Texas has 6 of the 10 Fattest Cities in the U.S. as of 2008.

2. Now, please take any cholesterol or blood pressure medication.

The three new foods nominated to represent our fair State Fair. . .

Fried Peanut Butter Cup Macaroon – A peanut butter cup is wrapped inside a coconut macaroon fried and dusted with powdered sugar. Also available with a scoop of Blue Bell ice cream.

Texas Fried Pecan Pie – A mini-pecan pie is battered and deep fried to a golden brown. Served drizzled with rich caramel sauce, then topped with whipping cream and chopped candied pecans.

My personal favorite. . .

Deep Fried Butter – 100% pure butter is whipped till light and fluffy, then specially sweetened with a choice of several flavors. The tantalizing mixture is surrounded by a special dough and quick fried. Served on a stick.

What else can I say? On the shiny side, at least Texans should have lustrous hair from all that butter. . . We strive to make Paula Dean happy!